Catfish In Black Waters
by MadhouseChaos
Summary: You are Nepeta Leijon and you hate fish puns. Warning:Kismesis quadrant, some gore/fighting, and terrible puns all around.


You do not like her and you don't really understand why. She is nice. So nice. She is kind and gentle and will make a good empress. She is sweet and friendly and wants nothing but good for everyone. She is beautiful and purrfect and you hate her fishy guts. Maybe it's _beclaws _she is so freaking purrfect. Maybe it's the fish puns. Yes, those lame puns must attribute to it.

You'd seen her around before, but never actually talked to her before everyone met up on the meteor. You thought that while all of you were on that big rock you'd get around to introducing yourself to, and making furrends with, everyone. You could never make yourself talk to her very long.

"Hello there, isn't it a pawsitively wonderful day?"

"Oh yes it reely is!"

That was as far as either of you would get in the conversation. The words varied but no matter how many times you tried to get into a real chat with her you both would start off on a pun, stare at each other with this shocked expression, and quickly walk away.

You suppose that means she can't stand you either, or at least couldn't then. You're not sure now. You visit those memories sometimes but you can't really tell much from that. You know she's dead too. You want to run into her and find out. You don't want to see her because you _hate_ her. Hate her? Oh no that is going far too far. You don't hate her. You don't just want to pounce her and claw at those ridiculous fins of hers. Rip at those outlandish clothes and gut her just to watch her bleed out.

You do not feel that way. You pawsitively, absolutely do not feel that way. That is a stupid and baseless way to feel about a girl who is as great and benevolent as Feferi. You do not want to jump her right this very moment because she is in front of you, dead eyes hiding behind her dumb goggles, with a trident in her hand. Even if she is coming at you with said trident. Wait.

She doesn't exactly spring at you so you have enough time to draw out your claws and parry the first blow. You think she doesn't just stab you through immediately because you think that she has the same feelings for you that you will eventually have to admit you feel towards her, and if she does she is just as confused about it as you are. You hiss, your blank eyes glare back at her white orbs and you hate her. You feel entirely pitch towards this girl who hasn't so much as ruffled your fur the wrong way until right now.

You grab the 2x3dent in one paw and shove your other one at the deplorable gills at the base of her throat. She dodges it but your claws still slice her shoulder, shredding through a layer of black cloth and breaking one of her loose necklaces to get through to her slightly pink gray skin and send a little gush of fuchsia blood out. She screeches and jumps back, wrenching her weapon away from you. You smirk at her and lick the tips of your blades off. The blood tastes nasty but that's fine because you just want to piss her off.

It works and the double sided three pronged spear flies at you before you can register that she threw it. You try your best to move out of the way but it stabs through your side. You hiss. It hurts, hurts hurts hurts, but you yank it out and pull off your jacket in one fluid motion then lunge at her. "You're pawful at this? Have you ever even fought a round of strife befur?" She snarls and draws another weapon, practically identical to her usual one except the tips of this one ooze with something you know you don't want to touch.

"Are you reelly so shore of yourself?"

You hear her scream. Your knuckles are pressed against her thigh, and your now berry dripping claws can be seen sticking out the other side. You grin, ripping them back out and grabbing her trident with both paws while she is distracted by the pain. She keeps a hold on it but you still manage to use it to knock her to the ground. You press the handle against her neck and watch her eyes water. She whimpers but she keeps on a tough face. You pin her arms with your legs. You have no idea what you are doing right now. Your lips crash against hers and you grab a fistful of her long black hair. Your side is throbbing. You are sure it should feel worse than it does. Maybe the adrenaline. You still don't know what you are doing. You pull back out of the lip lock and she glowers up at you. You give her the look a purrbeast would give a squeakbeast.

Her knee connects with your back and it sends you into racking coughs. You push down harder on the trident and let go of her hair to twist around and rake your claws over her already damaged leg. She groans. You stare at the puddle of fuchsia and realize there is olive green swirling in it. You need to do something about your side and you know it. You're not sure if you can die if you are already dead or what will happen if you do but you do _not_ want to find out.

You cannot do that yet though. Right now you are too busy nipping roughly at this purrfect trolls neck. Too busy reveling in the moans and progressively weaker kicks. You hate her. You hate her so much. Her breathing is slow. You plant another disdainful smooch to her mouth and get up. She won't fight back. You pick up the trident and throw it away from her. You look down at the shaking mess of a troll who is currently coated in pink and green.

"I... Glubbing.. Hate you."

You pick up your coat and tie it carefully around your waist, tightening it to apply pressure to the open wound. "Get back here, I'm not finished with you." You turn to look at her. She's bleeding a lot. Weak. Still ready to put up a fight. You grin a catty grin. You think that's a pawfully good look for her. Even if that's a horrible thing to think. Even if she is sweet and nice and all of those good things. Even though _you _are sweet and nice and all of those good things. You think you know why you hate her now. You walk off enjoying a steady stream of nautical insults from your new-found kismesis.

* * *

Shhhh

I ship what I want :33


End file.
